How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
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