My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
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