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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
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