I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
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