Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"