An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
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