How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
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