What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
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