I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
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