What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Go to BabaMail
