What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
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