Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
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