Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
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