What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
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