What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
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