Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
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