I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Go to BabaMail
