I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
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