Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
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