Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
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