What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
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