Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
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