Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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