When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Only a**holes use bidets.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
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