My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
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