How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
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