I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
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