How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
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