Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
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