Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
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