Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
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