My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
Go to BabaMail
