Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
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