A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
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