Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
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