My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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