You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?