What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
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