What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Go to BabaMail
