I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
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