My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
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