What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.