My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.