I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
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