Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
Typo.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.