What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the person throw their computer cabinet in the air?
They wanted to store it in the cloud.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Q. Why couldn't the dinosaur play games on the computer?
A. Because he ate the mous
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
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