My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
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