How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.