Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Cell phones are a static symbol.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
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