Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!