Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
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