Shell-abrate the good times!
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
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