Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Don't fork-get your manners.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
We were mermaid for each other.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
You really mermaid my day.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Call me on the shellphone.
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