Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
You mermaid to go far.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
You are shrimply the best!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Wish upon a starfish.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Go big or go gnome.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
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