Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Call me on the shellphone.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
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