"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
You seem a little mer-mad.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Long time no sea.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Wish upon a starfish.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!