I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
You mermake me happy.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Long time no sea.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
You seem a little mer-mad.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
I think you're mer-mazing.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.