Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
You really mermaid my day.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Long time no sea.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
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