Call me on the shellphone.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
Fishing you a happy day.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
I think you're mer-mazing.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Wish upon a starfish.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
We were mermaid for each other.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Seas the day!
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
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