Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
I love you so fairy much.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Seas the day!
I have a bone to pixie with you.
You mermake me happy.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
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