My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
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