My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.