I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.