The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone?
"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
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