My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
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