Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
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