My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
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