What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
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