I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
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