If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.