Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
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