Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
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