What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
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