When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.