Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
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