Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
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