What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.