The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
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