What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Go big or go gnome.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Go to BabaMail
