Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Go big or go gnome.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
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