Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
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