Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Go big or go gnome.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
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