What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Why are werewolves better than vampires?
Werewolves don’t have a problem with steaks.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
I goat this.
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
In Ireland, I call the shots.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?
Bigmeter.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
I love you from my head tomatoes.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
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