Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Clean clams crammed in clean cans.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
I have bean thinking about you.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
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