Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What is a grammar vampire's least favourite drink?
Type-O.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
That was thaw-some!
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
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