An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Why did the bald man decide to paint a bunch of rabbits on his head? He thought that they could look like hares from a distance.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
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