A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?
Because they've got the Write Stuff.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
"Just don't carrot all."
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
What dinosaur knows a lot of synonyms? A thesaurus.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
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