What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
He apollo-gises.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
Silly sheep weep and sleep.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Anything is popsicle during summer!