Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”
He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do volleyball players do when they go to church? Serve God.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
There’s so much to do here so I’m never Bordeaux-ed.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
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