Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Why is the taste of moon rock better than that of Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
I would have gone to space, but the cost is astronomical!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Why do you cry, Willy?
Why do you cry?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy?
Why, Willy? Why?
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Look for a rainbow connection.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
You snow the drill.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
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