Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
Up to snow good.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
It was mitten in the stars.
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks.
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