What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
How does one astronaut says sorry on the moon tell another astronaut? He Apollo-gises.
Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
I won’t let you slip through my Butter Fingers.
Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?
because they dilate.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
When you’re alone in Germany being approached by a group of old men
You have to fear the wurst.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
"For peep's sake."
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Go to BabaMail
