I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Take off all your cloves.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What do ghost cowboys wear?
Boooots.
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
When I think about books, I touch my shelf.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Go to BabaMail
