We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
"You might not carrot all, but you're irresistible."
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony.
I told him that was daylight robbery.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Did you hear about the colorful sea cow?
Oh the hue-manatee!!!
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
Casketball.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
I don’t trust grey things.
They are very shady.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
We have a great connection since you’re wifi-material.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Dublin over in laughter.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
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