Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
A trip to Ireland always lifts my spirits.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake.
Somehow it's still syncing.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
How do cats say goodbye in Italy?
Miao.
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
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