How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Why was the bouncy castle so expensive? Due to the cost of inflation.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Who do you call a pig who can paint like a great artist? Pablo PIGcaso.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
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