Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
Serve up some Dad Jokes at your Father's Day BBQ
Make 'em eat Pop-Corn
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter… has the letter i.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
I'm reading a romance book in Braille.
I don't think I'll finish. It's too touchy feely for me.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
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