What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
You mermake me happy.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
My moment in the sun.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
"I'm eggs-hausted."
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call an emergency in the spring?
May day.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
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